The Speed of Dark

Morgus reports on his most important scientific discovery
By: Dr. Momus Alexander Morgus
A work of micro-fiction

"Let me tell you, I’ve just concluded a study—a very big, very beautiful study—on the Speed of Dark, and the results are frankly unbelievable. The scientific community, which is full of very low-energy people by the way, they said it couldn't be done, but we did it. We have the best molecules, nobody has molecules like us at the laboratory housed in the Old City Icehouse, believe me. I was talking to the Higher Order just the other day—great people, very smart, they love what I’m doing—and they told me, 'Doctor, nobody has ever seen darkness move this fast before.' It’s huge. It’s a total game-changer. Meanwhile, the idiot-fringe over at the fake medical board, they’re failing, they’re a disaster, they don't even have a re-integrator. We’re going to make science great again, folks, and we’re going to do it so fast it’ll make your head spin. It’s going to be magnificent, the most magnificent thing you’ve ever seen."

Afterword: Dr. Morgus is a character who was the eccentric late-night horror host for New Orleans television audiences starting in the late 1950s. He was an inspiration for Dr. Robert himself in more ways than one.

This little fiction piece serves as an experiment on Dr. Robert’s part in cross-pollinating classic "mad scientist" tropes with the unmistakable, hyper-confident cadences heard in certain political rhetoric in recent years. There’s a bit of a friction that results when phrases like "a very big, very beautiful study" are applied to such things as the laws of thermodynamics. It can only make us wonder what  breakthroughs, scientific or otherwise, could be the brainchild of a populist of the “highest order”.

Dr. Robert and Professor Alma collaborated on the artwork.

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